Me and my buddy

incomplete

“Incomplete”

Bad Religion

Mother, father, look at your little monster,
I’m a hero, I’m a zero,
I’m the butt of the worst joke in history,
I’m a lock without a key,
A city with no door, a prayer without faith,
A show without a score,
I’m a bad word, a wink, a nod, a shiver,
An untold story, sex without fury,

A creeping gray memory,
I am incomplete, incomplete, incomplete, incomplete

Doctor, cure me, what is the cause of my condition,
This madness shoots me,
Like bullets smashing glass in a silent movie,
I’m a trap without a spring,
A temple with no god,
A jack without an ace,
The tip of your tongue,
I’m a promise, an unmailed letter,
An unbuilt motor, deck without a joker,

A creeping gray memory
I am incomplete, incomplete, incomplete, incomplete

Tell Saint Peter not to bet on me,
I got a naked obsession,
A good intention gone bad,
I am incomplete, incomplete, incomplete, incomplete

Share please, im desperate for attention:

more than a pet, more than a friend, the reason i get up in the morning…

Share please, im desperate for attention:

Grandmas Potato Salad

This is a slight variation on the potato salad my grandma used to make, which my mom made, and now I am. Unfortunately there wasn’t a third-generation daughter but hey, I guess I’m the next best thing.

First peel and dice 5-7 medium potatoes and boil them in salted until tender. Don’t over cook them or they will just mush up when you are mixing. Don’t dice them too small or they will mush. Don’t look at them crosseyed or, again…mush.

drain into a colander and let cool for at least 30min while you contemplate why you didn’t just go down to the store and buy a big pre-made tub for three dollars

now would be a great time for a glass (or 3) of the wine of your choice

@ 1 cup Mayo
@ 1/8 cup yellow mustard (add this to taste).  I suppose you could use Dijon mustard. If you’re French. Or Canadian.

These two amounts will depend on how many potatoes you end up using. If you have ever had potato salad before you know what consistency we are shooting for. They key though is to go slow adding until you get the right amount but you don’t want to over stir because the potatoes will…you guessed it: mush.

and if at any time you feel the urge to consider Miracle Whip in place of mayo proceed immediately to the phone, call your parents and ask them why they didnt raise you correctly.

i noticed your wine glass is empty. come on, try to keep up.

•1/4-1/2 a yellow or white onion, diced

•2-3 stalks celery, diced

•1-2 dill pickles, diced

•1-2 hard boiled eggs; chopped

•1-2 small cans sliced black olives

•1-2 Tablespoons pimentos

•1-3 Tablespoons chopped garlic / garlic paste

•Salt (and/or Seasoning Salt), pepper (fresh ground only you heathen), oregano, parsley

you can add pretty much anything you like to the mix right about now but know that if you do, you’re un american and you should feel bad about yourself

fold everything together being sure not to over mix. You’re not mixing a cake together, friend. Fold, don’t stir.

Put into your favorite Tupperware, cover, and toss that shit in the refrigerator for a few hours so I can get nice and cold.

If you’re still standing after the wine Then treat yourself to a nice big bowl of summer courtesy of the last 2 generation of Burleson women.

Enjoy! 🙂

Fathers day

First and most important: happy Father’s Day dad. Although you weren’t there from the beginning, you were there for everything that matter. As for his dad to go I hit the cosmic lottery.
That said, although I would never begrudge anybody this special day, for me it’s always been a reminder of what could have been and what will probably never be. 

I envy those people who have had a little version of themselves look into their eyes and call them daddy for the first time.

isolation

its times like these i envy my mom’s isolation from the world around her.

she’s losing her hip and spends most of the day in bed. She has to hobble around with a walker. spending a lot of time in bed, she watches a lot of tv. Most of what she watches is true-crime, some reality (thankfully not much) but very little actual day-to-day news of the world.

I doubt she could tell me who was running for president on either side. She sure doesn’t have to endure every stupid ass thing that falls out of the carnival barkers mouth. She doesn’t have to hear endlessly about the mass shootings, endless wars, hatred, xenophobia…

i can’t see myself ever not being plugged in but sometimes i envy her for her lack of connection to the outside world. Her world, for good or ill, is her house, family and her pain. I envy that.

a late April personal update

“Suppose I accidentally got my shit together
Would I get a medal?
Or a pat on the back and a little feather
I could stick in my cap or pin it to my shirt
Go out in the yard and poke it in the dirt”
-mc 900 foot Jesus

In the last few months I have finally been able to see myself out of a particularly dark period into something that’s starting to resemble a relatively normal life. I think I’m finally putting the pieces back together of a broken person. It took me a long time but until the next crisis hits, things are looking up…

i’ve finally managed to exercise another personal demon I’ve been quietly fighting for a while now without success. It was hard, just as hard as smoking, but i’m declaring victory and i’m finally emerging on the other side and managing to get my stuff together. Must be something about the month of April for kicking dangerous shit.

“It’s not about a salary
It’s all about reality”
-KRS-One

A key factor in pulling myself out of the hole was my job. Its finally allowing me to focus on other things besides worrying about money and paying bills. Tho its stressful in other ways, they at least take care of us financially which greatly increases my options and severely cuts back on the stuff I worry about

Joey likes to talk about a swinging pendulum: i seem to be on the backswing after a veeeery long shitty period and I’m thankful for that. I always dread that swing back to the shitty tho.

Work has been interesting. We’ve been pretty busy for a while now and getting used to doing something someone else way always takes some getting used to. A lot of getting accustomed to the job was unlearning a lot of bad habits i got into as a phone support rep. Im starting to get my groove back tho.

“We in that sunshine state where that bomb ass hemp be
The state where ya never find a dance floor empty”
-2Pac

I happen to be sitting here at the park right now, it’s another beautiful spring day in California. Logan park is full of people having parties, barbecuing, lounging under trees reading and it strikes me again how lucky I am to be where I am.

And I mean in the grand scheme of things: I’ve said before I consider myself to have won of the cosmic lottery: I’m a white American living in relative good health in a California suburban early part of the 21st-century. it’s hard to start off in life on better footing. My family and I have never been rich but we’ve never wanted for food or shelter. We’ve never lived in the nicest homes but we’ve never lived in squalor. And while we have known some tragedy for the most part I was raised fairly happy and didn’t develop my depression issues till my late 20’s so taken as a whole, that’s a pretty good foundation to try to do good things.

…and that’s where I find myself now: with a good foundation but nothing built on top. I’m probably not going to have the family of my own I imagined. I’m probably not going to ever be a household name. Shit, there’s a better than average chance I may very well live the rest of my life alone and with nothing to show for my time on this earth but for the first time in a long time I’m starting to consider a future that I couldn’t imagine before: one with me in it.

jeff
-april 2016

Ghostbusters Lego Easter Egg

I found a little Easter egg I haven’t seen mentioned anywhere else: little ‘RIP H.R’ of course referring to Harold Ramis who we lost recently….  
This is one of Legos largest sets ever and by a wide margin the largest I’ve ever built. I’ll probably post a set of progress pictures when I’m done: but it will take a while because this set is massive 

Fresno in a nutshell

So I’m finishing at my bank last night and I get into my car and the gentleman parked two stalls over proceeds to get out of his truck, click on his flashlight, and come start to inspect the damaged driver side light on my car. 
I figured he was going to offer his services in a repair job.
“hey how you doing tonight?” I asked, lowering the window a few inches. 
“I could have sworn this was my wife’s car. If there had been to tire marks right there I would’ve yanked you out of the car by your neck ha ha Ha”
“well I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t do that now isn’t it?” I snarled. 
Just because I’m a pacifist doesn’t mean I won’t defend myself and just because I’m not big on guns doesn’t mean I’m not armed. 
Stay classy, Fresno