Fathers day

First and most important: happy Father’s Day dad. Although you weren’t there from the beginning, you were there for everything that matter. As for his dad to go I hit the cosmic lottery.
That said, although I would never begrudge anybody this special day, for me it’s always been a reminder of what could have been and what will probably never be. 

I envy those people who have had a little version of themselves look into their eyes and call them daddy for the first time.

isolation

its times like these i envy my mom’s isolation from the world around her.

she’s losing her hip and spends most of the day in bed. She has to hobble around with a walker. spending a lot of time in bed, she watches a lot of tv. Most of what she watches is true-crime, some reality (thankfully not much) but very little actual day-to-day news of the world.

I doubt she could tell me who was running for president on either side. She sure doesn’t have to endure every stupid ass thing that falls out of the carnival barkers mouth. She doesn’t have to hear endlessly about the mass shootings, endless wars, hatred, xenophobia…

i can’t see myself ever not being plugged in but sometimes i envy her for her lack of connection to the outside world. Her world, for good or ill, is her house, family and her pain. I envy that.